like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
