a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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