Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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