I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
