her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
