I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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