Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You pole danced in your parka.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
