omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
