It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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