She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
