omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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