OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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