I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Randomize
