i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
