when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
