Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
