well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
