i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
