Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
