My room smells like vodka and shame
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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