Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
