It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
