I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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