Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
