it's not cheating when I paid for it
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
