So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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