Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
