yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
