Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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