I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
