I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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