Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
