Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
