Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
