Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
