I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
