Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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