i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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