He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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