first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
