Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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