Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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