p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
