I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
