you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
