he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
