forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
