I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
