Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
