She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
