there's paper in my vomit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
