I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
