I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
two words...techno handjob
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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