He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
