He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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