do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
