you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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