do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
