Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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