You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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